Clovenhoof 04 Hellzapoppin' by Heide Goody

Author:Heide Goody [Heide Goody]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fantasy, Humour, Hell, Comedy, Satire, Heaven, Humor
ISBN: 9780993314995
Goodreads: 26815075
Publisher: Pigeon Park Press
Published: 2015-07-19T23:00:00+00:00

Stephen thrust his demon pal beneath the central table and pulled the white table cloth down to properly conceal him. Jessie sniffed at its edges. Stephen straightened up in time to see three people enter the library: Brother Manfred with an iron beer keg, Brother Sebastian with a large clay demijohn, and, inexplicably, the schoolteacher who had visited some months before, carrying a fat plastic container of brown green liquid in her arms.

“Sorry, you’ve got the wrong place. The Messiah’s in the stable next door,” said Stephen.

“What?” said Manfred.

Stephen gestured at their burdens.

“Three gifts. Like the wise men. It was a joke. Um, hello.”

“I see,” said Manfred.

Bastian put his load down.

“Manfred’s looking for a place to store his beer while it ferments. I told him that it’s really quite warm down here.”

“It is, isn’t it?” said Manfred, surprised. “I wonder if Bardsey sits on some geothermal feature?”

“I’m sure it doesn’t,” said Stephen quickly.

“I thought we could store this in the warmest of the cellar rooms,” said Manfred.

“I’d rather you didn’t.”

“You see, I seem to have made more seaweed beer than I have storage for. Admittedly, some of it will be depleted after tonight’s celebration.”

“Celebration?”

The schoolteacher – Carol – stepped forward.

“Brother Sebastian and I have some exciting news,” she said, in the gushing tones of someone announcing an impending birth or nuptials. Neither seemed likely, so Stephen said nothing.

“Bardsey may be home to a bird previously thought to be extinct,” said Bastian.

“Really?” said Stephen.

“Although we have yet to locate it,” said Carol.

“Which is why we’ve come to you, hoping for some better maps of the island to aid us in our search,” said Bastian.

Beneath the table, Jessie growled.

“I see that dog’s here again,” said Manfred.

“I didn’t invite her,” said Stephen. “Hey, Jessie. Go show Manfred somewhere upstairs where he can stick his beer.”

There was a snapping sound from under the table and the sheepdog reappeared with something long and thin in her mouth.

“Is that a stick she’s found?” said Bastian.

Jessie’s bared teeth, gripped around the thing that Stephen realised was definitely not a stick, contorted her face into a mischievous grin. She huffed at Manfred and began to herd him out of the library.

“I’m not being bossed around by a domestic animal,” protested Manfred, despite all evidence to the contrary.

Carol put her beer-filled container down on the table.

“Brother Trevor, isn’t it?”

“Stephen,” he said.

“Really? You look so much like a Trevor. Sorry.”

“I know. So it’s maps you’re after?”

“We need to search all the cliffs and wondered if you had some maps among your collection. This is the bird we’re looking for.”

She withdrew a crumpled plastic wallet from her pocket and flattened it out on the table.

“It’s the yellow-crested Merlin stilt,” she said.

Stephen looked at the picture. He took a sideways step and looked through the door to the mural painted on the corridor wall outside.

“That bird?” he said, pointing.

“Yes. I hoped the artist had perhaps seen it on the island.”

Stephen shook his head.

“Brother Huey, who is sadly no longer with us, painted that to Manfred’s designs.

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